So I find it so fitting that we have a blue moon on this last day of 2009. I am so ready for this year to be done! And I mean just done. I think I have felt every extreme of every emotion this year. Good news….that means I’m alive! Bad news…I fear that the sad emotion found more room for me than the up and happy one. I started out 2009 thinking life was so grand. I had this happy marriage, I thought, in this awesome house, in a good job, with a great second business starting to really happen…..and then the husband leaves. I think crap there goes the house and the happiness I thought I had. I cried for a bit and then I had to say FUCK this and got myself in gear. I am so lucky! I have great friends and an amazing family that held me up, help me regain my needed strength to endure this world alone. My jennyjen business did the best ever! And that means a lot in this recession. I made enough to pay my taxes this year and buy myself a $100 turntable that will arrive one of these days so I can listen to my poor albums that have been stored in the coat closet since moving here. I have reestablished old friendships and found a good haircut and have found a new family in my crafty BEST crew. And this morning, I got the best call ever…..if Obama was here I’d kiss him all over..I was granted mortgage modification from freaking Citibank!!!! Cut my interest in half and make my payments include taxes and home insurance, which I had to pay out of hand before. I can’t believe it! Perhaps it’s from that one visit to church on Christmas Eve? Course my happy day has to gets all screwed up with the miscommunications and a horrible text break up with my new mate….perhaps I really fucked it up. But a relationship via text messaging is really not the way to go. And maybe I’m really not ready for a relationship after being dumped in May after thinking my life was happy and settled. Many a heartbreaks have happened this year. Many, and my heart goes out there for your guys who aren’t in the right place at the right time. I’m there with you. So I think it fitting that I spend my new years eve alone…or with Chuck and Lucy my two reliable cats! I find it fitting and even a bit in relief that I get to spend as much time in the tub, listen to as much Sonic Youth, Cat Power and PJ Harvey that I want, drink as much wine and watch what I want tonight. But best of all…gives me that needed time to reflect an attempt to figure out this life and what it means. Here are my new years resolutions: be a better sister, daughter, Aunt, friend and teacher, get a library card and read more, stop watching so much freaking TV, get a hold of my attention span, reflect and get yourself to a healthy mental place so I can be a better mate one day, go back to yoga and ride my bike! I want to be a better person so that I can truly give to this world and contribute more than take. I have been granted this beautiful life to make the most of it. I love you all. Here’s looking at 2010 with an open heart and a positive outlook!
